hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
