I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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