This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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