i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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