I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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