on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
