We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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