I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
