weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
