Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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