You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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