how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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