the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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