tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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