Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
