careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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