shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
