You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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