so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
