i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
