# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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