I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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