Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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