I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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