i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
