I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
