I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
