it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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