woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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