I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
