it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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