So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize