We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
