Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
