My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize