Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
