still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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