***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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