Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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