Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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