sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
