sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize