the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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