One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
