y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
