You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
