I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
