Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
