Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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