I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize