were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
