I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize