She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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