we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
