hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
