Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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