My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
