how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
