I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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