I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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