and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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