I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
