you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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