my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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