I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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