i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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