id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
