I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
