That's intense
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
