Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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